I went to a few sessions of Psychological counselling recently - with an ex-pastor who is also a Psych. I have always wanted to do this because I am very aware that evidence for depression intervention indicates that medication and counselling are better than one on its own. I'd told others who came to see me this, so I needed not to be a hypocrite! What with a combination of living in the country and/or not having the funds to do it, nor someone who I trusted, I hadn't done it before.
I have found some of it helpful - teasing out reasons for my behaviour which I haven't managed to do myself (though I had managed to do a bit of it) and getting strategies for when I get really anxious.
However, we spent a session on 'Boundaries' during which the Psych said that in order to be able to give, we needed to be filled up physically and emotionally. Apparently we can 'only minister from a point of wholeness'. I have some issues with this as well. However, one of the ways he suggested doing this was to put in place Boundaries where we only engage with certain people who are likely to hurt us, at certain levels. The issue with this is that I think that we would end up cocooning ourselves from the world! What about our immediate family? Or workmates?
Thoughts?
Do you think perhaps it was meant to be used as a short term rather than a permanent strategy?
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the concerns about only being able to minister from a "point of wholeness" though...if that is in fact the case, wouldn't that mean we could never do it? Depends what he meant by wholeness, I guess.
I think because we live in a sinful world, we are always depleted by something. I agree. He drew a diagram where one cylinder was empty and one full. His point was that if we never do self care (which I struggle with) or put these boundaries in place (his form of emotional self-care) we can't be 'whole'.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing a Beth Moore Bible study on Esther. In today's input session (she does DVD sessions as well as stuff you do on your own, if you aren't familiar with her), she talked about Chapter 4. One point she made was that very often personal crises happen in the midst of a larger crisis. So often in the Bible as well as in our lives. And that God often calls us to do something special for him at that point that just seems too much. Like Esther. Am I making any sense? It isn't that we should plan to be in a crisis, that that is no excuse for self-neglect, but that it does tend to happen. That God loves to work through our weakness. Don't we see that so often with Israel, eg. Gideon!
ReplyDeleteBoundaries are tricky. They easily become an excuse for selfishness. And excuse for building walls that we think protect us, but really just isolate us from perhaps the very people God wants us to minister to.
Hmm, food for thought.
I would agree that boundaries are important but that we can't build walls. Wendy's point about selfishness is a great warning. By limiting the type of interaction or frequency, etc. it seems you would actually increase the opportunity for valid ministry during those times. That would just need to remain your motivation - not the opportunity to escape and vegitate :)
ReplyDeleteRead the Cloud & Townsend book 'Boundaries' - they explain boundaries as fences to keep out the harmful things (much like physical fences keep out dogs) but have gates in them through which to let the good things in and out. They specifically point out that good boundaries are NOT walls.
ReplyDeleteBoundary-less people can end up in very bad situations like co-dependency, being tied in some way to abusers (spouses, friends, workmates, sociopathic bosses...) or with a serious lack of self-discipline leading to things like obesity.
Think of emotional & mental self-care as a form of hygiene. No-one wants you around if you haven't showered or eaten for three days. They'll either be telling you to go away or start feeling like they should take care of you. Similarly, if you haven't treated yourself well from the emotional & mental points of view, then you can become more of a burden than a help to those to whom you are offering 'assistance' - snappy, irritable, depressing.
C&T also talk about the injunction in Galatians 6 for people to bear one another's burdens but carry their own load. A load is something that an individual should be able to deal with by themselves; burdens are when everything gets to be unrealistic for one person and they need help. There's no reason to think that this only applies to physical things.
Also note the difference between harm and hurt - getting a tooth filling may hurt but it isn't meant for harm.