HB is my eight month old son. I am from a family of two girls, though in my work I mainly encountered young boys, so I have read a fair bit of parenting and teaching stuff about boys. I pray that we are raising a boy who loves God and his wife. Specifically, I have been wondering lately how to raise him to be thoughtful and kind to others in a culture where this is not something that men are taught to do. Here's what I have come up with -
1. Pray
2. Set an example
3 Teach him how
(not in order of priority, necessarily)
What I wonder though, is - Is there anything else? Does anyone have any Godly wisdom or have they read anything of value?
We have two boys who are now 8 and 7. I agree with your sentiments. I think you've got the order right, btw :)
ReplyDeleteI would also suggest getting your son out in nature as much as possible. It's a wonderful environment for seeing kindness develop. Most boys who see a little insect or a hurt bird, for example, would tend to want to help, and often display great gentleness with nature.
I also think that nature is where boys 'come alive'. Their souls awaken to God in a way that devotions on a lounge room floor doesn't bring about as easily.
And then I'd say, talk lots about how your son is a helpful, kind son. He'll hear the praise in your voice and want to live up to it! Tell him that his wife will be so blessed to marry a man as gentle and kind-hearted as he is. Words are so powerful in the lives of a little fella.
And also, I've found that if the boys do something particularly strong or 'manly', this is often followed by lovely acts of kindness and gentleness. For example, if he gets to help daddy mow the lawn, or fix a broken water-pipe, or climb a mountain, or drive the tractor - whatever - I find that if they know for sure that they are 'real' men, they don't think it's woosy to be kind. They become self-assured and have nothing much to prove.
And finally (since I'm on a roll now!) keep pointing them to Jesus. He was all-powerful, yet tender and compassionate. There's no better role model for a boy. He was capable with his hands, yet careful and thoughtful, and most of all worshipful.
I'm excited about raising boys to lead and bless their generation. Neat to be journeying along with you in it all. love, Anya xo
I recommend reading "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge for an insight into what men think makes a man.
ReplyDeleteAs his mum, the best thing you can do apart from no. 1 is make sure he spends lots of time with his dad / other significant male role models who actively model this behaviour. He needs to see that other "manly" men think that the fruits of the Spirit are good for men. If you're the driving force, he's likely to grow up thinking that those are "for girls".
I asked my husband about this after reading the above mentioned book. He described it as similar to careers where others could tell him that he's a good programmer / teacher...but it's only when others in that actual profession accept him as such that he knows he is because they are the "benchmark". So for little boys, dad / significant other males are the "benchmark".
In addition to the great things you've already thought of, I have a few suggestions too:
ReplyDeleteRead the Bible with him when he gets old enough. There are lots of godly men there who use their strength for God's glory. Also, the Bible doesn't make them glossy, it shows us their weaknesses.
Another thing my husband has tried to teach our boys is that strength is to be used to care for others who are weak. That it is a responsibility to be strong.
Teach him how to look after household things, so that his future wife will find a helpmate; one who can take care of meals, do the washing or even iron his own clothes. How I appreciate these qualities in my own husband!
Don't try to mould him into someone who he isn't, encourage him to develop his interests and strengths. Let him be a boy! (That one is harder to do than to say. Everyone wants little well behaved children who do exactly what they're told...).